I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.