Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.