Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
