he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.