I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
