We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
