thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
