i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Michael Bay diarrhea
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
