why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
