I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
