So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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