with your own penis?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
