with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
