um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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