but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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