It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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