party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
