After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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