I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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