I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize