areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was like eating out sand paper
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
