I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
