Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My vagina just recognized that song.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
