ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
