haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
