still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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