You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
