Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
