I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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