hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
