I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
