you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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