oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
