Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Damn victory sex feels great
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
