apparently the secret to your success is patron
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is wine microwaveable?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
