for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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