i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
