Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
