yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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