No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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