Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
