i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
