Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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