I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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