you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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