She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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