i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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