is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
