I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
