why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
