filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
