Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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