woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
