I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
