Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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