the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
