Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
