Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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