Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
