I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
