so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
